Nakiaj1s – Join the Madness

{June 23, 2009}   Standard Deviations

By definition, standard deviation is a measure of the variability or dispersion of a population, a data set, or a probability distribution. ( In the game of cat and mouse that is the dating world I use it to describe the standards by which deviant males judge the average female. Confused? Allow me to explain.

By researching I have found that there are three major categories of beauty to the male eye: par, sub-par and video chick. Each of these categories has it’s own draw and appeal to men. Sub-par women, especially those who recognize themselves as such, are usually easier prey since they may have some self-esteem issues. They require less wine and dine and less quality time before giving up the goods. Women who are “on par” present a greater challenge. The category of “Par” itself is challenging in that it must be broken down into sub categories such as cute, pretty and fine. Fine being the closest rating to the ultimate genre of “Video Chick”. This on the fence category puzzles and plagues me. It is completely objective and yet so persistent.

Think of yourself and how you view your looks. You get all dolled up for a night on the town. Hair perfect, nails done, new dress that shows off how much you’ve been hitting the gym and skipping the fridge. You are showing just enough leg AND cleavage to avoid breaking the “mams or gams” rule . Girl you look good! Dare I say….fine. You get to your social venue of choice feeling good and smiling, but the men are not falling all over you like they should be. Yet, somewhere in the corner of the club is a brokeback bitch getting ALL the attention. Maybe she’s missing a few teeth. Maybe one of the teeth she still has is gold. Maybe it’s just so yellow it looks gold. The top she’s wearing is the one that you (who are clearly 3 sizes smaller than her) were looking for at the mall earlier and she has squeezed her muffin tops and jelly-rolls into it. And speaking of jelly…is that what’s hanging off the back of her worn-out, pin-on ponytail? You are obviously better looking than her. So why aren’t you getting the drinks and catcalls that you deserve?

I interviewed my friend “Quincy” whose name has been changed to protect his playa card and he told me this. By looking too good you have pretty much set yourself up for failure. You have moved yourself up into a different standard deviation. You are now being judged on video chick level. What you don’t hear are the men saying “she looks good…but she’s no Beyonce.” Suddenly, just being the hottest girl in the room is not enough. You now have to outdo an unobtainable diva with access to stylists, trainers, nutritionists, personal chefs, a reservoir of finances and an untold bevy of hair and makeup magicians. Oh….and you don’t have the benefit of walking in a permanent cloud of airbrushing. But men don’t care about all that. All they see now is a good-looking girl who will be too much trouble to get with. They would go ahead and buy you a drink if you were say – Lauren London, but you’re not…so good luck.

Still I wonder, if somebody like Vida Guerra were to climb down from her stripper pole and grace a nightclub with her magnificence would the men fall all over her then? OR would she be struck down as a fallen angel like the rest of us because she’s not all shiny and accompanied by a bangin beat and that pulsating light effect Hype Williams puts in all his videos? Would she fall into the unfair judgement like the rest of us? That’s not all Beyonce’s hair, but yours better be. Halle Berry has scars on her shins too, but who’s looking at her shins when her titas are out? You best believe that’s a little piggy nose on Rhianna’s face, but when her eye make up and lipstick are screaming “Look at Me!” and her shoes are to DIE for, nobody is noticing her nose…and have you seen her naked pics on the net?! (I’ve posted them here out of spite and to get site traffic in google searches.) If she were the average girl walking around the only comments would be how flat her chest or ass is.

So what is the solution? Lupe Fiasco said you have to “Dumb it Down” to make a hot record because today’s society doesn’t like witty lyrics. So do you have to “ugly it up” to get a man? I think not. I truly believe that the kind of man that we of the “Par” variety seek and deserve are smart enough to recognize our beauty for what it is, and not by what they see on TV. The real men in the world know that when it comes to video hoes, all that glitters ain’t gold…it’s covered in bronzer and Vaseline, but real women exist in the real world.

**Meanwhile, there are Lil’ Wayne looking dudes in real life (with NO money) still getting play. Women are so evolved…or something.


ms808nhartbreak says:

I loved reading this. You are so right with everything you said. But I think you said it best “Women are so evolved”, we are and always have been. Maybe one day men will catch up but for now we gotta figure out a way to work with what we

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